Nov 252011
 

We’re back! Did you miss us? (Don’t answer that question.)

Let’s check in on where we stand in the inaugural Canucks Hockey Blog Writers Fantasy Hockey Pool (or as it shall be dubbed this week, the “Can Someone Please Tell Wayne Gretzky His Daughter is Blowing Up Twitter Invitational”).

Remember, you can check out our pool here.

Onto the standings:  

1. 2 Sedins, 0 Cups (Tom) – 95 points

As 2 Sedins, 0 Cups continues its historic run towards the first CHBWFHP championship, I would just like to make it known that this win is all the more sweet because it’s taking place in a world where The Muppets matter again. Welcome back Kermit. Call me, Miss Piggy.

Taking this one step further, if winning this pool meant I could have one wish, I would wish for the world to be rid of the following: The Kardashians; anyone who’s chosen to spend quality time with the Kardashians; anyone who’s bought an item of Kardashian merchandise; snakes (they’re evil); Jay Leno (he’s evil); downtown Vancouver bike lanes; Blake Price, Shia Labeouf; George Lucas (but the Star Wars franchise can stay); the Phoenix Coyotes, Florida Panthers and Columbus Blue Jackets (who would miss them?); soybean oil in movie theatre popcorn butter (it makes me and thousands of others sick); Iran (not quite sure how its existence benefits me); the instigator rule in hockey; NHL 4th lines; Howie Mandel; passwords that expire; the sound styrofoam makes when it rubs something (1:13 into the annoying video); the texture of Styrofoam; okay, all styrofoam; one-piece hockey sticks; Shawn Horcoff; this week’s episode of Parenthood; every episode of Desperate Housewives; bandwidth limits; TapouT, Affliction and all MMA-related clothing lines; VIP lines and seating areas; insincerity and shyness; foreign home-ownership/purchases in the Lower Mainland.  

I mean, yeah, I guess I could have asked for world peace and an end to all disease, but those seem like really big asks. This stuff all seems like low-hanging fruit.

2. Mr. Haiku (Clay) – 88 points

It’s amazing how just one move can spark a team.  By the end of October, I was dangerously close to slipping into 3rd place so I decided to make a move.  By dropping Buffalo’s Tyler Ennis (who is still injured) for Zack Smith of the Senators, I solidified my hold on 2nd place with leader, 2 Sedins, 0 Cups, still within my sights.  Smith has helped me in particular with PIMs and faceoff wins, although I’m already so far behind in faceoff wins that I’ve given up on that category already.  I have balanced scoring led by Anze Kopitar, Daniel Sedin, Marian Hossa and Jeff Skinner and a decent back-end with Kris Letang and Ryan Suter.  Tim Thomas has regained his goaltending form… too bad his real-life teammate took out my other goalie, Ryan Miller.

3a. Goose is my Wingman (Chris) – 72.5 points

Much like the disrespected characters Pete “Maverick” Mitchell and Nick “Goose” Bradshaw in Top Gun, I don’t often get the respect I’m due here at Canucks Hockey Blog.  First it was all the writers laughing at my picks and telling me I’d finish last. (Well, guess who’s in third place today, hosers!)  Or Lizz Moffatt telling me that I was a fat drunk boater (call me fat, call me drunk, but don’t call me a boater).  And then in our last update, it was the diabolical Tom “I Love Red Light Racicot” Wakefield calling out Parminder Nagra.

Well, this writer has had enough.  Moving forward, this writer’s ego is going to start writing cheques that his body WILL cash.  And yes, he’s dangerous and you know how everyone likes bloggers who are dangerous.  There is no bloody way I’ll let a bully like Tom pick on the winner of the 2004 Movieline Young Hollywood Awards Breakthrough Performance by a Female.  That’s right.  You’ve picked on the wrong actress, sir.

What will I do you ask?  Well I’m going to call in Parminder’s best friend, Keira Knightley (another A-list actor), who in turn is going to send an email to her BFF, Johnny Depp, who played Captain Jack Sparrow.  And well, Captain Jack then knocks on Michael Bolton’s door.

And then it’s on like donkey kong.  DON. KEY. KONG!

Uhh… what was that?  I was supposed to be talking about the CHB Writers Fantasy Hockey Pool?  Aw crap.

3b. Church’s Chiggins (Ed) – 72.5 points

I don’t think anyone’s surprised that Sidney Crosby is still Sidney Crosby, but wow, four points in his first game in almost a year? I don’t think there’s any question he’s the best hockey player in the world. The only guy even in the same conversation would be Alex Ovechkin and maybe if you counted both Sedins as one player. However, if I was a NHL GM and we could draft all over again, there’s no way I’d pick anyone but Crosby to build a team around. 

That assist on the Letang (or “The Tang” for those of you who don’t speak French) goal where he shook Jason Spezza out of his jock strap was just stunning. Hopefully he gets Malkin going as well. Malkin isn’t doing terrible but he isn’t setting the twine on fire.

My best move so far this season is picking up Tyler Seguin on the wire at the beginning. As much as I dislike the Bruins, they’ve been on fire winning 10 straight with Seguin as one of the team’s best offensive threat. I must have the most hated team in the pool now with another guy Canucks fans love to hate, Patrick Kane, leading in scoring… and I don’t have any Canucks on my team.

I’m not fired, am I?

5. The Hamhuis Ballards (JJ) – 69.5 points

Like the rest of the hockey world, I was excited at the news that Sidney Crosby had recovered a serious concussion and that he was returning after missing 11 months of action.  It goes without saying that Sid the Kid’s a helluva hockey player – probably the best damn hockey player in the world. 

On Monday, I cheered alongside Penguins fans when he stepped on the ice against the Islanders.  After he made Andrew Macdonald look like the second coming of Dana Murzyn and scored a beaut of a goal on his first shot – just 5:31 into the game – I yelled out the same two words Sid did on the ice.  By the time it was all said and done, he had 2 goals and 2 assists, and I, like every other hockey fan out there, couldn’t be happier for him.

At least I was until I realized that Tom, who was already leading the inaugural CHBWFHP by a large margin, had Crosby still stashed on his bench.

It’s like the President’s Trophy-winning, 2000/2001 Colorado Avalanche adding all-star Rob Blake.  Or the NHL record, 62-win Detroit Red Wings adding 40-goal scorer, Brendan Shanahan, and 60-point defenseman, Larry Murphy.  Or adding Taylor to The OC.

Dammit, Wakefield.

6. Kesler is my homeboy (Caylie) – 63.5 points

It was just a few weeks ago I was in 2nd place in the CHB pool. I was anxiously awaiting for Tom to email us about our thoughts on the pool. I was ready to brag about how I was leading in overall points (by players) and how I had jumped from last place to 2nd place in just a few short weeks. But he never emailed us. Fast forward to today, and I am once again in 6th place and have NOTHING to brag about. 

I’m heading to Vegas and was debating making a few sports bets while I am there. All I know is that I won’t be betting on about half of my team. Rick Nash, are you seriously a minus-10? And how about that Tomas Kaberle guy? I thought he would be somewhat decent in Carolina, but boy was I wrong!

If I’ve learned one thing, it’s that if I’m ever in the top-3 again, I will immediately email Tom and encourage him to do a post on the pool, just so I can have my few minutes of glory.

7. Burrows Buddy (Lizz) – 61.5 points

Since she has nothing nice to say about this pool or where she is in the standings, Lizz didn’t submit her thoughts this week.

8. Hossa’s Samosas (Matt) – 53.5 points

Likewise, since submitting his thoughts would mean accepting that his pool team stinks, Matt chose to abstain from this week’s discussion.

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