Magic 8-Ball and Poker: 10 Alternatives to AV’s Coin-Flipping Brand of Decision Making
Much has been made about the goaltending situation in Vancouver and rightfully so: right now the Canucks have two high-calibre netminders making up arguably the strongest tandem in the league. So with both Cory Schneider and Robert Luongo playing extremely well, it’s become a daily guessing game as to who will start in the next Canucks game.
Likely tired of these daily questions, coach Alain Vigneault introduced his now famous coin – the one he flips to determine which goalie will get the start. It was humourous at the start but I hope he won’t be using the same line a few weeks from now.
Thus, your friends at CHB have come up with 10 alternative ways to determine the Canucks’ starting goalie:
10. Asking the Magic 8-Ball. It’s helped adults and kids alike make some difficult decisions since 1950, offering profound answers such as: “Concentrate and ask again”, “Very Doubtful”, and “My Sources Say No”. Obviously, the question must be asked in a yes/no format.
9. A Game of Laser Tag. Imagine Luongo and Schneider darting behind walls and jumping over barrels amidst a bunch of screaming 8 year-old kids. After getting shot at all their lives, they would finally have a chance to do the shooting. Winner gets the start.
8. Any Wrestling Gimmick Match. This would be great way to attract new fans – have Luongo and Schneider participate in any of the following wrestling matches during the warm-up: Hell in a Cell, Ladder Match, or Last Man Standing. They should be good with it…they both participated in the Legion of Blog’s NHL Royal Rumble last month. If that’s too violent or too risky, any game like Advanced Dungeons and Dragons, Settlers of Catan, or Twister will do.
7. Suiting Up. Whoever gets fully dressed into their equipment and jersey first prior to warm-up gets the start. No questions asked.
6. Heads Up Poker. Each goalie will receive 50 big blinds and Kesler and Bieksa can provide commentary. Luongo is the all-in favourite in this competition…but look for Schneider to call AV’s bluff and surprise Luongo with some aggressive pre-flop (or make that no-flop) play.
5. Impressions Contest. If the poker favours Luongo, then Schneider will definitely have the advantage in an impressions contest. Remember his Hansen, AV and Burrows on CBC’s After Hours?
4. Rock, Paper, Scissors. Nothing wrong with going to an old standard to determine who’s starting. Two main rules: no adding lizard and/or spock, and it must be best-of-7 to avoid flukes or cheating.
3. Canada Vs. USA (Round 1): Luongo picks 4 Canadian players while Schnedier picks 4 Americans. Tug of war at centre ice…winning country has their goalie start.
2. Canada Vs. USA (Round 2): This doesn’t include an injury risk and is solely based on the economy. Whichever dollar is stronger on game day means that country’s goalie will be the Canucks’ money in the bank for the game.
1. Walk-Off (Zoolander Style). This is simple: both Luongo and Schneider need to remove their underwear without taking off any of their goalie equipment. Given the extreme difficulty of this challenge, AV has the option of granting the winner 3 consecutive starts regardless of performance in the games. David Bowie optional.