CHB’s Top 20 Things That John Tortorella Should Accomplish in the Next 15 Days
John Tortorella tries to get into the Calgary Flames dressing room.
On Monday, we found out the fate of Vancouver Canucks Head Coach John Tortorella for his attempt to enter the Calgary Flames dressing room last Saturday night. The NHL suspended Tortorella for 15 days without pay.
While some Canucks fans commended Tortorella’s actions as loyal, passionate, and justified, the NHL didn’t agree, calling Tortorella’s actions “dangerous and an embarrassment to the League.”
Assistant coach Mike Sullivan will take over the reins for the next 15 days. In the meantime, Tortorella is not permitted to have any interaction with the team prior to, during or after games..
I asked the Twitterverse what Tortorella should do during his suspension. The replies came flooding in, expanding the expected top 10 list to a top 20 list.
Thus, we proudly present to you the Top 20 Things that Tortorella Should Accomplish in the Next 15 Days:
20. Score 4 goals. – submitted by @BuckFoston_
19. Think to himself “Phew! Now I have time to finish that afghan I’ve been knitting!” – submitted by @b_cmack
18. Make friendship bracelets for Bob Hartley. – submitted by @Dawn_Retel
17. Map out a route in the ducting from the Canucks room to the visitors room. Nobody will expect an aerial attack. – submitted by @kylenryan
16a. Attend Flames games in seats behind the bench with posters. – submitted by @DCanuckgurl
16b. Buy tickets behind the bench of every Flames game. – submitted by @bmah03
16c. Attend every Flames game. – submitted by @JamesLawnsocial
15. Go to the next Flames game dressed like this. – submitted by @wbborg
14. Perfect his baking skills and make the team Fight Club-themed cupcakes. – submitted by @forevercanuck
13. Wooooo saaaah! – submitted by @emilsirakov
12a. Yoga. – submitted by @elmeebaterina
12b. Practice yoga to find inner peace. – submitted by @DXenophontos
11. Sweep Aquilini’s driveway. – submitted by @Mikem84
10. Do Cabo San Lucas round trip for $500 or so. – submitted by @THogg21
9a. Plan the BEST Super Bowl party. – submitted by @sedinitronic
9b. Go out and buy a stash of Marijuana for the Super Bowl. – submitted by @DRushton11
8. Walk around downtown like the Fonz signing autographs and taking pictures with all the happy fans. – submitted by @madhipcheckz
Ayyyy
7. Anger management appointments. – submitted by @number_1_dunner
6. Hunt Hartley. He can bring Booth with him. – submitted by @kesrows
5a. Hang out at the Saddledome by the Calgary locker room with a tent until Hartley mans up. – submitted by @funkmaster_dunc
5b. Get some ninja skills so he can get into the Flames area with stealth. – submitted by @hawknut888
5c. Booby trap the Flames locker room in Calgary. – submitted by @paulalmeida22
4. Sew a Bob Hartley voodoo doll. – submitted by @river975mike
3. Finally catch up with The Walking Dead. – submitted by @lizzmoffat
2. Go on vacation with his buddy Larry Brooks. – submitted by @cpjohnson88
1. Start a @ChickenShitBobHartley parody account. – submitted by @JustinTillyer
Bonus: Make a guest appearance on one of your songs. – submitted by @Rozzy80
Can you imagine if we got Torts to sing about Torts?
