Alix Wright

Apr 292010
 

1) What I’ve been talking up all season was officially announced today… *drum roll noises* Hanky is nominated for the Hart trophy! Wooooo! MVP! What more can I say about Hanky at this point, really? I made the man 100 cuppycakes for Swedish meatball’s sake. But yeah he’s totally rad.

Ovechkin shouldn’t win it because as the lovely stats doctor Ryan Classic tells me the Capitals were actually BETTER when Ovechkin was injured or *cough* what’s that word I’m looking for? Oh right *whispers* suspended. His numbers never tell a lie, kittens.

Total points percentage: .739
without Ovechkin: .750 with Ovechkin: .737

Total win percentage: .659
without Ovechkin: .700 with Ovechkin: .653

Goals for average all season: 3.88
without Ovechkin: 4.70 with Ovechkin: 3.76

Crosby shouldn’t win it because…well he’s actually pretty damn fantastic…but he needs to learn the wonderful lesson of SHARING. He has a Cup, and a gold medal, and a junior gold medal, and a hart trophy already, and the best bedroom in Mario Lemeiux’s basement, and all the very prettiest very blondest puck bunnies. Surely it’s Hanky’s turn for this one little trophy.

I read on twitter earlier that the boys gave Hanky a standing ovation when he walked into the dressing room today. That’s so freakin adorable I made high pitched noises that only dogs can here when I first read it.

2) I’ve been searching for a job for a little while now and contemplating my future and all that and sometimes it’s so frustrating that I start dreaming of writing a kid’s book about giraffes playing hockey. Good idea or greatest idea?

3) Cabbie has a funny video with the Canucks about team unity. Watch it if you want to hear Bieksa sing (sort of) and find out who is the surprising guy that pays for the least team meals.

Apr 282010
 

- And so we play the Hawks again. This city is jazzed. Everyone wants some redemption for last year. Saturday is a longggg wait to see game 1. It can’t come soon enough. The Canucks are a better team this year. We have our secret weapon highest scoring muppet around…Mikael Samuelsson! The Art Ross winner Hanky “Pinata” Sedin! But really the best improvement is the vibe the whole team has this season. Maybe they talked to the Dali Lama this summer or maybe it’s just the fantastic Ryan Walter’s leadership values but they are very zen this season. The biggest thing that killed them last year was getting too emotional and losing their composure against the Hawks. They are calm kittens. Nothing is harshing their mellow these days. If they get behind playing the Hawks this time around things will be different.

- Seriously, Chelsea Dagger is the worst song on earth. Maybe even space. Don’t the Blackhawks know it’s about rampant drug use? What are they saying about themselves? Speaking of the Hawks, I found some secret facts about them to show everyone that they’re really not that scary*

Jonathan Toews collects ceramic unicorns

Patrick Kane likes to knit hot pink leg warmers and sing along to Justin Bieber in his bathroom

Dustin Byfuglien sleeps with a blowup doll girlfriend named Candy Kisses

*Facts may be totally made up and I have no money to give if I am sued.

- Big Bear was so wonderful in the first round against the Kings. He was all unsunghero-y and it made me incredibly happy. You know how coaches have dog houses? Well I have an Alix House where players that I adore but who are struggling stay. Big Bear has been a resident for months as has Shane baybee and so I am extra pleased for Big Bear.

- Speaking of Shane baybee, he was also very, very good this series. Friends I have that absolutely loathe Shane were even changing their tunes and saying he was awesome.

- I’m starting to think Willie Mitchell is dead and they’re turning him into a cyborg but the cyborg is having trouble learning how to hold Willie’s long stick.

- Yesterday the Vancouver government had “Canucks day” down at city hall. Seriously after one round! To gain some political points! This might be not quite as bad as the Province asking people to send in their parade routes last year but it’s pretty close. And once again I am left working over time to show that not all Canucks fans are so totally ridiculous. Now Canucks faithful, everyone get out your best jinx reversal dances because we’re going to need them. May I suggest the “Ryan Kesler” ?

Apr 262010
 

Pretty sure this is what I looked like last night. Round two is next on Friday and it only gets harder. The second round has been our kryptonite for a while. It would be nice to move past it this year. I’ll have another post up soon with more detailed thoughts on the first round but for now I’ll be off having a dance party…

Apr 222010
 

- Kes was nominated for the Selke AGAIN! I think he has a real shot at winning it this season. He’s improved his offensive totals while still blocking a ton of shots and being bad ass on the penalty kill. His faceoff winning percentage is wonderfully high and he’s 2nd in league in takeaways. Basically at this point I sound like Samuel L Jackson when I talk about Kes. (not safe for print) Datsyuk is awesome yeah. But I think it’s time for a change!

- Let me tell you, I adore defence. A defenceman or a defensive forward is always my favourite player. I’ve been seen fanning myself when a player blocks a shot. So the fact that the penalty kill is ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYINGLY AWFUL is making me the unhappiest camper around. If we actually played the Kings 5 on 5 for a considerable amount of time the Canucks would win this series pretty handily. It’s been so bad I actually clapped my hands in a busy pub when they killed two penalties in a row.

- Danny Sedin’s kicked goal was a goal. End of story. Gary Bettman would go a long way to endearing himself to fans if he would just admit when the NHL makes a mistake. But he never will.

- Hanky Sedin’s celebration after his game winning goal last night was probably the most excited I’ve ever seen him. So so adorable.

- Clearly there is some deal with a sinister power that you get to be a Vancouver defenceman but you will be constantly injured. This is just getting wacky. Baumgartner fills in for the injured Rome for ONE game and is now injured himself. Now we’re back to I draw penalties like I’m a magnet Andrew Alberts for tomorrow’s game. We should all start whimpering. Or drinking. Or hey how about both? Someone put Sami Salo in his bubble right away!

- I am in a full on swoon with Mikael Samuelsson. I liked him from the moment I heard him phone interviewed after his signing was announced on July 1. He sounded like a crazy over energetic muppet. But really I didn’t see him being so delightful all season and into the playoffs. He also looks extremely nice in a suit.

- This is one of the oddest plays I’ve ever seen. That’s Hanky Sedin under 5 Kings with the puck being prodded and poked at like there’s no tomorrow. You can’t deny the twins aren’t playing tough these days. I jokingly nicknamed him pinata last night. H/T to nettrashcan on twitter for the GIF.

Apr 122010
 

And so it all begins on Thursday. Canucks/Kings round one. The most wonderful time of year where you feel sick to your stomach from the moment you wake up to the moment the puck drops and well beyond that. Many consume alcohol like a freshman on spring break in Miami. Every save, every goal, you feel your heart pounding in your chest.

The Canucks match up well against the Kings. I think it should be a fun series. They have a bunch of young talent. We have twins! I’m a wee bit nervous about Luongo and the defence but hey remember when Canucks fans worried about scoring? At least this is refreshing change! We have the 2nd best offence and the Art Ross winner. I’m not going to say we can take the Kings because that just seems silly for a Canucks fan to do but I will say that the majority of the Kings are toddlers. Maybe the playoffs will scare them. Hanky is a scoring monster?

I am SO happy Hanky did win the Art Ross. This time I might as well bake him a whole massive CAKE. Amazing. Franchise best for the Canucks now too. Of course the NHL could barely bring themselves to acknowledge it yesterday but that’s just typical. There’s only two stars in this league! If your name doesn’t rhyme with Blovechkin or Brosby we’re not going to waste our time! But hey I’m sure it’s not bugging Hank and Vancouver is happy.

Playoff predictions: I decided to do them INCREDIBLY scientifically. I used the S quotient and the PB quotient to determine who moves on from the first round.
S = amount of Swedes
PB = amount of prairie boys

San Jose VS Colorado San Jose has 4 PB and 2 S. Colorado has 3 PB and zero S. Sharks in 5 games.

Chicago VS Nashville
Chicago has 5 PB and 2 S. Nashville has 4 PB and 1 S. Blackhawks in 6.

Vancouver VS LA Vancouver has 8 PB and 4 S (no WONDER I love this team) LA has 2 PB and 2 S. Canucks in 5.

Detroit VS Phoenix Detroit has 4 PB and 8 S. Phoenix has 5 PB and zero S. Redwings in 4.

Washington VS Montreal Washington has 8 PB and 1 S. Montreal has 1 PB and zero S. Washington in 4.

New Jersey VS Philadelphia
New Jersey has 3 PB and zero S. Philadelphia has 7 PB and 1 S. Flyers in 5.

Buffalo VS Boston Buffalo has 1 PB and 1 S. Boston has 2 PB and zero S. Tie breaker needed: BC boys! Buffalo has 1 BC boy. Boston has 2 BC boys. Bruins in 7.

Pittsburgh VS Ottawa
Pittsburgh has 1 PB and zero S. Ottawa has 3 PB and 2 S. Ottawa in 6.

Apr 102010
 

I hear you play the Capitals tomorrow. Including that Ovechkin guy. Now, I know he’s quite good but pretty please with a cherry on top check the shit out of him and don’t let him score any points. We really want Hanky Sedin to win the scoring lead. He along with his delightful twin gave $1.5 million to the Children’s hospital. Ovechkin probably has a bed made of $1.5 million. We gave you Cam Neely for like pretty much a girl’s hair scrunchie. I mean OUCH, right? That pain is still so fresh. We also birthed you the wonderful and violent Milan Lucic. So, in a way you kind of owe us really. I know you’re playing back to back and it’s the end of the season but if you keep Ovechkin scoreless tomorrow we’ll be much obliged and incredibly appreciative. Hugs and kisses.

Love Vancouver

PS: That Bruins Bear is HILARIOUS!

PPS: Yellow and black makes you look devastatingly handsome.

Apr 062010
 

I mentioned the other day that I was going to make Hanky 100 cuppycakes for scoring 100 points. It was mostly a joke but I had some free time on the weekend and I’m a total dork so I made them. Maybe I can deliver a new batch directly to Hank next time. Heh.

1 – Cuppycake batter pre baking. If you look at my arm you can see I’m wearing a Vancouver Giants Wright jersey. It’s SO rad!

2 – The full collection of cuppycakes. 100 mini cakes of deliciousness.

3 – Hanky’s number!

4- Hanky’s number close up.

5- The cuppycakes with Swedish berries were for Hanky’s goals.

Apr 012010
 

- I was in the Vancouver daily 24 hours today for the 5 on 5 segment. It was fun and those involved sure bring the funny. It’s pretty flattering Guts Mctavish asked me since he’s one of the very funniest puppets or people I know. An online version can be found here if you’re so inclined.

- On the Shane O’Brien situation, while he’s made bad decisions and deserves some discipline from the Canucks, the person (or people) that sent the picture to Deadspin are so SO low. If you do a little research it’s clear that picture wasn’t even from the past Sunday night they were claiming. I bet whoever took the picture was totally buddy buddy with Shane at the time. Sure, he’s a big boy and he put himself in this situation but I still think it was classless and it makes me glad I’m not at all famous. Although, NICE velvet blazer Shane baybee, really. That’s some gorgeous fabric.

- Ken Campbell has a blog for The Hockey News claiming Hanky doesn’t deserve the Hart trophy because he has too many secondary assists (Which Campbell believes aren’t valuable) Bish please. He obviously hasn’t watched the Sedins and the Canucks much this season. Hank isn’t collecting freebie assists by any means. I wrote off THN after they wrote my cousin an insulting and false draft profile in 2008 and I think I’ll keep it that way. No meatballs for you, Mr Campbell.

- The Canucks can FINALLY clinch a playoff spot tonight if they get just one point against the Kings. So even an OT/shootout loss will work, boys. I would prefer an actual win though wink wink. I’m actually missing the game because I’m going to JOHN MAYER TONIGHT! But if I read good news on my phone after the show I’m pretty sure I will look like this:

Mar 302010
 

- So our very own lovely Hank Sedin was the first player to get to 100 points. Wow! I was chatting on twitter and mentioned that I would bake Hank 100 cuppycakes when he reached 100 points. It was mostly a joke and I figured it would take him a little longer to do so but hey a declaration on twitter is fairly binding. So, this holiday weekend I will be making a big pile of cuppycakes with Swedish flags and Canucks colours. Maybe even Swedish fish. Look for a post documenting the deliciousness.

- Mr. Hanky has also been talked up as a Hart trophy favourite(MVP). I think in the end the Eastern bias of most voters will leave him high and dry and they’ll give it to Ovechkin or one of the other stars but I would love to see him win. TSN.ca has an interesting bit of info in regards to Hank being the points leader that whould help his case for trophies if I were voting

“Henrik may be benefiting from the fact that Ovechkin has missed 10 games this season, but of the NHL’s top five scorers, only Sedin is playing fewer than 20 minutes per game. The others are averaging at least two minutes more per contest.”

Hank wants to make you some Swedish HARTballs. Be careful he might give you a HARTattack!

- Just one more brief Hank note. It’s one of life’s simple pleasures to sip your morning coffee and pull up the NHL leaders page on NHL.com to see Hank’s funny little mug shot at the top of the points AND assists columns.

- You know what’s very irksome? Looking at the conference standings and having the Canucks be the only team in the top four of both conferences to not have officially clinched a playoff spot. It’s such a tease! I want to be able to start swooning over playoff beards and put my flag up (on my door since I don’t have a car) and paint my nails and face and all that delightfully silly stuff. So pull up your hockey socks boys! Just win a couple games and get that adorable little X by your name.

- Honestly, I have a hard time coming up with a “Things better than a playoff beard” list. They just make me coo. I find the wide variety of beards on any one team to be amusing. Alex Burrows has the tiny thin very French looking one and Luongo looks like a hairy drug lord. A beard for every taste!

- So, Shane baybee was late to practice yesterday and then AV refused to even answer a question about him. Today it came out that he’s scratched for tonight’s game AND won’t be making the trip to California. My goodness. There’s obviously a little more to this than just being late once. He had been playing so well recently too. Oh Shane. He’s like that boy in high school you liked a lot but would always end up disappointing you with his bad choices. See, this is why I don’t need a soap opera in my life. I have my hockey team!

- There are a new batch of playoff ads asking what if X player hadn’t scored that goal or what if X event hadn’t happened. I really like the Bobby Orr one but the Mark Messier one is just mean. Hasn’t he stolen enough Canucks fans metaphorical baby blankets already? Get off my TV! I still prefer the Cup Raise ad from last season for all my pure goose bump needs.

- I have a long history of hating on the NHL’s marketing when it comes to their female apparel, accessories, and well everything really. I mean sure a lot of it would work if my one goal was to get Sidney Crosby to see my “I’d give my kidney to make out with Sidney” sign at the game. But for the serious female fan it’s generally a horror show. So colour me surprised when I kind of fell in love with the Canucks bikini. No pink! No sparkles! A flattering fit! Team colours! Is it Christmas? Perfect for a long playoff run…

Mar 232010
 

Yeah, losing to the Oilers makes Alix grouchy. Luongo was quite weak in the first and I swear the Canucks missed the net more often than they hit it. Deslauriers was very good. He robbed poor little Welly several times. I had planned to do a whole wonderfully long recap of this game but yeah the Canucks made me annoyed and uninspired. So, here is a picture of Ehrhoff as a wee little guy to hopefully cheer you (and me) up. I mean gosh look at his little sweater and bow tie combo! Just precious.

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