Victoria Pattison Denault

Dec 242013

Santa has made his list. He’s checked it twice. Here’s which Canucks are naughty and which are nice! (See what I did there? I’m such a poet!)

Santa Loves Bobby Lu & Boothy

Santa Loves Bobby Lu & Boothy

Santa’s Nice List

David Booth. I think even Santa is stunned about this turnaround. David wasn’t exactly on the naughty list (well maybe with the reindeer who fear for their life). He was mostly not on any list. I’m not even sure Santa knew where he was what with the whole conditioning Utica drama. You can call it a Christmas miracle, but David Booth has cemented himself on the Nice list with his play of late. He’s skating fast and hard, he’s making smart plays and he’s scoring. Yes, scoring goals not more antlers for his mantle.

Roberto Luongo.  I half expected him to maybe not play that hard since he kind of acted like he was being forced to stay in Vancouver (and he was). But Lu put on his big boy pads and stepped up. Sure there was the standard October – as @strombone1 accurately labeled it ‘How did that go in?’ – but then Bobby Lu turned it around. As if that isn’t enough he beat the Boston Bruins. Santa hates the Bruins.

Eddie Lack. He beat the Hawks. We love when we beat the Hawks and Eddie did that for us – in a shootout no less. That’s enough to earn him a sweet spot on the Nice List.

Ryan Kesler. Kesler is doing well under Torts. He’s blocking shots, he’s taking shots, he’s scoring in a shootout, he’s fighting Iginla…yeah even Santa was confused by that but he’ll let it pass. Ryan won’t get coal this year.

Chris Tanev. He takes hits that would knock other players into next season and keeps on playing. Tanev’s a Goonie. He never says die. Santa likes Goonies.

Kassian and Edler are getting coal

Kassian and Edler are getting coal

Santa’s Naughty List

Alex Edler. The nicest thing Alex Edler has done for his team this season is get injured. We’ve done better without him that we did with him. Ever since last season, Edler has struggled. He’s made stupid mistakes and he’s been a little careless with his hits, drawing penalties or suspensions. Santa doesn’t take kindly to reckless plays or repeatedly giving the puck away. It’s coal for Alex.

Zach Kassian. He just isn’t living up to expectation this year. Sure the toothless grin is cute but Santa doesn’t like slackers. Zach needs to pick it up and contribute more if he wants more than coal next year.

Andrew Alberts. I think he peed in Rudolph’s water bowl… or in Torts’ cereal. Or in the Hockey Gods’ coffee. He did something wrong because Andrew Alberts isn’t playing good hockey… on the rare time when he gets to leave the press box or dungeon or wherever it is they keep him.


Nov 032013
TGATT - The Game According to Twitter

Fittingly, on the night the Vancouver Canucks retired Pavel Bure’s number up to the rafters, they played perhaps their most exciting, most entertaining game of the season.

On a typical Saturday Fall afternoon in Vancouver, the Canucks took on the Leafs and slugged it out with them. All four lines scored and Roberto Luongo recorded his 64th shutout – yes, his 64th shutout, just 2 shutouts behind Patrick Roy, who had 66 shutouts in 269 more games, in the NHL’s all-time shutout leaders list – en route to a 4-0 dismantling of the Eastern Conference-leading Leafs.

It sure looked like it, eh?

Read more #TGATT goodness past the jump.

Oct 312013

Are you still trying to figure out your Halloween Costume? Picking the perfect costume can be a real conundrum. Just in case some of our beloved Canucks players are still searching for the perfect costume, we here at CHB have put together some choice suggestions that are bound to score them lots of candy… and maybe a few laughs.

David Booth should go as Ricky Bobby

Ricky Boothy... I mean Bobby.

Ricky Boothy… I mean Bobby.

This is the perfect costume for Booth because it’s hillbilly-ish which suits him and I’m sure he uses delicious Wonder Bread to make his freshly killed Moose meat sandwiches… or deer meat or antelope or wookie or whatever else he’s killed lately. Only drawback is he has to carry the helmet around because you know he can’t cover that lucious flow. But turn that helmet upside down and it’s a candy bucket!

Tom Sestito should go as Frankenstein



This works for Tom because Frankenstein is all stitched together and Sestito has a lot of facial scars from where he’s been stitched together. Plus at 6’5 and 228 pounds he’s a monster even without the green face paint.

The Sedin twins should go as Twins

Twins as Twins

Twins as Twins

Hank and Dank probably have matching outfits lying around somewhere. All they have to do is slap them on and then one of them has to walk on his knees all night and BOOM! Danny Devito and Arnold Schwarzenegger from the ’80s chucklefest “Twins”. Get it? Get it? Hysterical! Okay, well maybe not our best work…. moving on.

Eddie Lack should go as Elf

Lack Elf

Lack Elf

I read the article about Eddie and Zach Kassian carving pumpkins at Canucks Place and they said it was the first time Eddie ever carved a pumpkin. That made me wonder – do they not celebrate Halloween in Sweden? Has poor Lack never experience the sugar rush of a pillowcase full of chocolate?! If that’s the case then the whole holiday might confuse him. Perhaps it’s best if he clings to a holiday he knows, like Christmas. Plus, I bet he’d look adorable in tights.

Roberto Luongo as Razor Ramon

razorluI’ll be honest, I have no idea who Razor Ramon is. I just want to see Lu with even more grease in his hair and  shirtless in a vest. Who doesn’t want that?!

Ryan Kesler should go as Wolverine



Kesler would make a perfect Wolverine this Halloween. He’s got the hair. He can grown the side burns. And he’s recently rediscovered his beastmode again. Plus I can’t think of one female that wouldn’t give him all their candy if he showed up in nothing but a pair of adamantium claws. Rawr!

Other costume ideas I didn’t have time to make images of but were still great include:

  • Zack Kassian as the Hulk
  • Daniel Sedin as Henrik Sedin and Henrik Sedin as Daniel Sedin
  • Zack Kassian as Jack Nicholson in The Shining.
  • Andrew Alberts as Mr. Potato Head

Do you have any costume ideas for Canucks players? What are you going as this Halloween? Tell CHB!

Oct 122013

NHLWheel of Judgment

The season is still in diapers and I’m already confused. Here are some insights, speculation and just plain old rants about events around the league.

The Canucks Eastern Doppelgänger

Has anyone else noticed that for that last few years the Philadelphia Flyers have been the Vancouver Canucks’ Eastern Doppelganger? In recent years, a lot of people pick them as favorites (like Canucks) but despite their obvious talent they tend to implode (like the Canucks). They’ve signed goalies to ridiculously large contracts (like the Canucks). They’ve regretted it (like you-know-who). They always fall short in the playoffs (sadly, Canuck-esque). And just like Vancouver did, they blame the coach instead of the GM. The firing of Peter Laviolette was not unexpected because of these similarities, but their timing was crappy. Why give this guy a shot at all this season? Now he’s unemployed with no available NHL team to throw his skates onto the ice for. And let’s be honest I think that if Laviolette had been let go at the end of last season, he would have been a good choice for the Canucks. Yes, yes, Torts isn’t doing horribly (yet) but… I think Laviolette would have been a solid choice if the option was there. And I can’t help but wonder with blow-out loses like 9-2  and 6-0 if the Rangers are thinking the same thing.

Mike Fisher’s is the new Zdeno Chara

Shame on you, Mr. Carrie Underwood. The hit on Cpdy Franson was completely in-the-numbers illegal but he gets no supplemental discipline. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised since Zdeno Chara got nothing for the same hit as well.

But seriously, Alex Edler collides with Tomas Hertl, who has his head down, and gets suspended 3 games. Brendan Shanahan continues to baffle. I continue to have no idea what is considered a suspendable hit, definitively… unless it’s something the Bruins did, then it’s never a suspension. That much I get. I think Shanahan has a wheel, like the Wheel of Fortune wheel, and he just spins it and wherever it lands, boom! Judgement!

And About Edler

All this said, I am not an Edler fan. I used to be… before his last contract negotiation when I thought he, you know, knew how to play. But for the last couple of years he’s made a series of bad passes, questionable plays and careless hits.

And those plays aren’t just in the NHL. That hit on Eric Staal in the World Championships was totally reckless and Staal is still dealing with knee issues. I really wish the Canucks had traded Edler for someone useful (and Alberts too while we’re at it). Hopefully Torts can scream some sense back into Edler or has the common sense to bench him. At $30 million over 6 years with a no-trade clause, the Canucks need better from him.

Oct 042013

Welcome to the first TGATT of the Canucks 2013/14 season! All of us at CHB are back to happy times. And while our expectations on how the Canucks season will turn out may vary, the one thing we are all absolutely sure of – The Game According to Twitter is going to do so well that we’ve already planned out a parade route for it.

So… should we do the same for the Canucks?

That can’t be good.

Read more #TGATT goodness past the jump.

Jun 152013

If you believe the internet (and who doesn’t?) then you believe John Tortorella will be the next coach of the Vancouver Canucks. The opinions on this potential move vary from ‘worst decision ever’ to ‘might possibly work’. But I’m yet to find someone who thinks it’s the perfect fit.

There are a lot of reasons for that. Mostly it comes down to the fact that the man who coached the New York Rangers appeared to be a ranting lunatic. He yelled at players, he benched stars and loved to openly hate the media.

Do you honestly see Ryan Kesler taking well to being torn a new one? Or being benched? I definitely don’t. Could tough love work on Roberto Luongo? If he doesn’t start to cry, his overprotective fan base definitely will. (I know, I know he won’t be here, but still.) Most importantly Kevin Bieksa has come out and said “I don’t think we need somebody to come in a crack the whip.” Torts is a notorious, public whip cracker.

So does Gillis and Aquilini you take the risk here and tell the team ‘you don’t know what you really need’ and give them Tortorella anyway? Based on what? His strategy? Let’s take a look at that too.

With the Rangers, Torts relied heavily on Lundqvist. Too heavily. A goalie can’t carry a team on his shoulders. We’ve seen that fail time and time again. And the last thing Vancouver needs is a coach who comes in and lays it all at the feet of the starter goalie. Who is our starter next season anyway? And blocking shots? Vancouver isn’t made up of young bendable players anymore. It’s mostly mid-career, breakable players (I’m looking at you Ryan Kesler) so standing in front of slap shots isn’t the smartest move for this team. And this team has too many strong goal scorers… who aren’t scoring. We need a coach that can fix that problem, not one that gets Henrik Sedin to lay down in front of a shot.

I’ve always thought that the Canucks were an overly emotional team. They need a coach that can harness that and focus that, not one that adds even more unfocused emotion to the room and the bench. Dan Bylsma was able to do that with the Pens when he first got there, although he seems to have lost that magic touch. Torts, in my opinion, can’t do that.. Sure the Canucks seem to do well when they think the hockey world hates them, but I don’t think they’d do well thinking their own coach hates them.

May 022013

Ahhh… the playoffs. White towels galore, Roberto Luongo in net, and U2′s “Where the Streets Have No Name” blaring as the Canucks skate on the ice.

Lu was great too. It’s just too bad the rest of the team weren’t.

Read more #TGATT goodness past the jump.

Apr 262013

Not exactly sure what happened between Monday and last night, but maybe the switch was flipped – just off? Or was it connected to the SkyTrain, because boy were there issues. Regardless, this tweet sums up the game nicely:

At least we have TGATT to make things better!

Read more #TGATT goodness past the jump.

Apr 252013

Carolina Hurricanes

Rudy Staal

Jared Staal is set to make his NHL debut for the Carolina Hurricanes tonight. The Canes, whose Captain is Eric Staal and who acquired Jordan Staal from the Pens last summer, are playing the New York Rangers. Marc Staal plays for NYR. So much Staal! Unfortunately, Marc Staal is injured and will not play. Although Eric Staal joked to media that maybe Marc would take the warm-up so they could all skate around together. Don’t toy with my emotions, Eric.

In case you haven’t figured it out, I am a Staal fanatic. They are my favorite players in the NHL. As excited as I am to see the youngest Staal make the NHL, I can’t help but think it’s not actually a  debut so much as a swan-song. Jared Staal is 22 and he peaked before his NHL draft. He has struggled so much on the Charlotte Checkers, his first year he spent some time in the ECHL  and then spent most of last year as a healthy scratch. Although he’s done better this year he was only brought up because the Canes thought it made more sense to send Riley Nash down to help the Checkers in the AHL playoffs. Also, Jared’s in the third year of his AHL contract and there are serious doubts it will be renewed. So is this his Rudy moment? I think it might me, sadly.

Duncan “Sexist” Keith: Is he jealous of Sedin’s Choppers?

Was it sexist to tell Karen Thomson, the female sports reporter, that ‘she probably can’t play either.’ Yes. Why? Because he wouldn’t have said it to a male reporter. End of story. Then Duncan later told reporters that “I respect everybody. I respect everybody’s job,” …except, well, you didn’t, Dunc. Can someone just teach this self-proclaimed sore loser how to say I’m sorry? What’s more sexist than Keith’s infantile attack on the female reporter, in my opinion, is the males on twitter who declare it’s not sexism. You can’t make that call, boys because you are BOYS. It’s like me telling a gay person what they can find homophobic. I can’t. One guy even snarkily told me that I should just let it go and blamed political correctness for people’s anger at the comment. Guess what? The only thing more sexist than assuming a girl can’t play hockey is a guy blaming political correctness and telling a woman to get over it.

But let’s get back to the real issue here – Keith’s inability to control his anger towards Daniel Sedin. This time he kept his elbows down but took a two-handed whack at Daniel’s back with his stick after Sedin scored. What’s causing Duncan to act like a trantruming toddler every time he plays Daniel Sedin? Is he frustrated that Sedin’s raw talent clearly outweighs his own and that Sedin can score goals without needing to injure people first? Or is he angry at that Sedin managed to get all the way to the Stanley Cup Finals and didn’t lose one tooth, where Duncan had to lose seven? Hmm…

Bryzgalov: Journalism For Dummies

Ilya Brygalov’s quirky personality has become a problem for him. I saw it coming. Sure, it’s all fun and games when he’s talking about tigers and the universe, but the media has crossed Bryz’s proverbial line and he’s not happy about it. Recently a rumor surfaced, and the media ran with it, that Brygalov was benched for a game because he fell asleep in a team meeting. Sounds hysterical, but not to Bryz. He chastised the media, called the claim ridiculous, said they needed better sources and told them they needed to do their job better. Bryz needs to understand he created this monster. He’s never once tried to be anything other than outrageous since being traded to the Flyers. His erratic performance and high salary already make him a target, add to that his outrageous personality, and you can’t blame the media for believing he’d catch some Zzzs

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