Jan 212014
 
John Tortorella tries to get into the Calgary Flames dressing room.

John Tortorella tries to get into the Calgary Flames dressing room.

On Monday, we found out the fate of Vancouver Canucks Head Coach John Tortorella for his attempt to enter the Calgary Flames dressing room last Saturday night.  The NHL suspended Tortorella for 15 days without pay.

While some Canucks fans commended Tortorella’s actions as loyal, passionate, and justified, the NHL didn’t agree, calling Tortorella’s actions “dangerous and an embarrassment to the League.”

Assistant coach Mike Sullivan will take over the reins for the next 15 days.  In the meantime, Tortorella is not permitted to have any interaction with the team prior to, during or after games..

I asked the Twitterverse what Tortorella should do during his suspension.  The replies came flooding in, expanding the expected top 10 list to a top 20 list.

Thus, we proudly present to you the Top 20 Things that Tortorella Should Accomplish in the Next 15 Days:   

20. Score 4 goals.  – submitted by @BuckFoston_

19. Think to himself “Phew! Now I have time to finish that afghan I’ve been knitting!”  – submitted by @b_cmack

18. Make friendship bracelets for Bob Hartley.  – submitted by @Dawn_Retel

17. Map out a route in the ducting from the Canucks room to the visitors room. Nobody will expect an aerial attack.  – submitted by @kylenryan

16a. Attend Flames games in seats behind the bench with posters.  – submitted by @DCanuckgurl

16b. Buy tickets behind the bench of every Flames game.  – submitted by @bmah03

16c. Attend every Flames game.  – submitted by @JamesLawnsocial

15. Go to the next Flames game dressed like this.  – submitted by @wbborg

Tortssword

14. Perfect his baking skills and make the team Fight Club-themed cupcakes.  – submitted by @forevercanuck

13. Wooooo saaaah!  – submitted by @emilsirakov

12a. Yoga.  – submitted by @elmeebaterina

12b. Practice yoga to find inner peace.  – submitted by @DXenophontos

11. Sweep Aquilini’s driveway.  – submitted by @Mikem84

10. Do Cabo San Lucas round trip for $500 or so.  – submitted by @THogg21

9a. Plan the BEST Super Bowl party.  – submitted by @sedinitronic

9b. Go out and buy a stash of Marijuana for the Super Bowl.  – submitted by @DRushton11

8. Walk around downtown like the Fonz signing autographs and taking pictures with all the happy fans.  – submitted by @madhipcheckz

Ayyyy

Ayyyy

7. Anger management appointments.  – submitted by @number_1_dunner

6. Hunt Hartley. He can bring Booth with him.  – submitted by @kesrows

5a. Hang out at the Saddledome by the Calgary locker room with a tent until Hartley mans up.  – submitted by @funkmaster_dunc

5b. Get some ninja skills so he can get into the Flames area with stealth.  – submitted by @hawknut888

5c. Booby trap the Flames locker room in Calgary.  – submitted by @paulalmeida22

4. Sew a Bob Hartley voodoo doll.  – submitted by @river975mike

3. Finally catch up with The Walking Dead.  – submitted by @lizzmoffat

2. Go on vacation with his buddy Larry Brooks.  – submitted by @cpjohnson88

1. Start a @ChickenShitBobHartley parody account.  – submitted by @JustinTillyer

 

Bonus:  Make a guest appearance on one of your songs.  – submitted by @Rozzy80

Can you imagine if we got Torts to sing about Torts?

 

 

Jan 192014
 

Coach John Tortorella of the Vancouver Canucks is upset at coach Bob Hartley of the Calgary Flames.

Photo credit: cbc.ca

Some highlights and some lowlights about last night’s 3-2 shootout win against the Calgary Flames.

  • Before we get into anything else, how good did it feel to see the Canucks snap a 3-game losing streak, in the shootout, and with Roberto Luongo back in net? For all the talk about moral victories all week, it sure was nice to see them notch an actual win.
  • John Tortorella will have an in-person hearing with Colin Campbell tomorrow in New York. He’ll likely be suspended, deservedly so, for trying to get to Flames coach, Bob Hartley, in the Flames’ dressing room during the first intermission. Yes, Hartley was a dick for sending his goon line to start the game, but Torts already let him hear about it at the bench. There’s absolutely no reason for him to confront him again in the dressing room.
  • Hartley said in his post-game presser that he didn’t intend to start a fight when he put Brian McGrattan, Kevin Westgarth and Blair Jones in his starting lineup because, after all, that line got him a goal in their last game against the Winnipeg Jets. So hey, why not ride the hot hand, right? However, including that goal against the Jets, that line has combined for 3 goals all season so pardon me while I call bullshit on Hartley’s intentions.
  • If Westgarth was so intent on not starting a fight, then why didn’t he even bother with the puck while taking the opening faceoff, and instead went straight to fight Kevin Bieksa?
  • Many Canucks haters respected members of the media have pointed out the fact the Canucks had last change so Torts could have averted this whole situation by sending out his more skilled players in response. However, given that opposing teams have taken runs at the Sedins, Luongo and David Booth in recent games, do you blame him for not sending them out?
  • Surely someone has a clip or a gif of Flames captain, Mark Giordano, grabbing Zack Kassian’s stick, holding it against his belly, and then flopping down to the ice like a kid flops down on a slip-and-slide.
  • With Mike Santorelli and Jordan Schroeder already out, and assuming Hank has to sit because of his broken finger and rib injury, is anyone else looking forward to a lineup with Ryan Kesler, Brad Richardson, Zac Dalpe and Kellan Lain down the middle?
Jan 192014
 

Some of you thought the game was entertaining. Some of you thought the sideshows that happened were classless and disrespectful. Whatever it was, the Canucks beat the Calgary Flames, and snapped a 3-game losing streak.

We’ll take it.

Read more #TGATT goodness past the jump.

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