According to many sources, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman has suggested that the NHL and NHLPA take a two-week moratorium from negotiating – apparently after NHLPA Executive Director Donald Fehr said he didn’t know how the two sides would proceed to break the stalemate.
Understandably, the reaction to Bettman’s request has been overwhelmingly negative: from the Fehrs, from players, and from fans. A two-week break doesn’t seem to make a lot of sense at such a critical time in the negotiation process. I know that if I suggested a two-week moratorium to my lovely wife Gail the next time we had a disagreement, I’d be looking for a new place to live.
So I took it upon myself to delve into the Commissioner’s mind as to why he would request the break. Thus, here are the Top 10 Reasons Why Gary Bettman Requested the 2-Week Moratorium:
10. To undergo plastic surgery to make himself look less like the Count from Sesame Street.
9. To watch reruns of 24/7 and the Winter Classic.
8. To buy new needles for his “Donald and Steve Fehr” voodoo set.
7. To go hunting with David Booth.
6. To hunt down Bill Simmons and hurt him.
5. To help investigate the affair of former CIA Director David Petraeus.
4. To find out who really is behind the @strombone1 Twitter account.
3. To concentrate fully on the CFL’s Divisional Final games and Grey Cup.
2. To obtain a personality, sense of humour, and shred of likability.
1. To get together with his negotiating team to craft out a thoughtful, fair and workable proposal to the NHLPA.
Well, we can all dream can’t we?